metnotes

wanting to break off a relationship

How can I break up with someone who is not my boyfriend?

Or How can I break off a relationship which is non existent?

THis is even worse than a broken heart cos there is really no heart to break.

...{sigh} i'll try one thing to stop this nonsense:

1} not to chat or send message ever again.

Hope it will last me a week or two. (fingers crossed)

Posted at 05:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

it still hurts

I thought I have forgetten him, i thought I am done with him. But learning from other people that he has girlfriend made me realize I still feel something...pain.

This is crazy because i shouldn't be feeling anything right now , we were never an item, we never had an intimate relationship and yet my heart cries out of pain..."why not choose me?"

I am feeling the same pain when he told me he can't reciprocate what I feel for him, that friendship is the best thing he can offer me. I got that, I totally understood what he meant. But I think somehow I still hoped for something better.

Reality bites.

Now I know the song Maybe This Time is not for me.

I hope to find a shortcut in healing a broken heart.

Posted at 03:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

...dot dot dot

...just dots. nothing to write.

the last blog i wrote was about a year and half ago..and it's been hidden for that number of months too. I even told my students to visit this blog cos i wrote about them...

hay naku, ewan ko kung ano pa ang pwede kong isulat dito...sentimyento siguro. mga saloobin na di naipahayag. Ngayon ko lang napagtanto ( or matagal na ngunit di ko lang binigyang pansin) , na halos di ako nabuhay ng 2 or 3 taon. Kung masasabing buhay ang bahay-trabaho-bahay...yan ang buhay ko sa mga nakalipas na 3 taon...para sa akin ang buhay ko sa bahay..buhay na buhay. ngunit sa trabaho..ganun na lang, trabaho para makakuha ng suweldo. Minsan naiisip ko na nasayang ang 3 taon ko sa trabaho ko...marami sana akong nagawa na maaaring nakapagpaligaya sa akin o nakapagbigay kahulugan sa aking karakter.

Kung bakit ko ito nasasabi ay marahil sa mga oportunidad na pinalampas ko para maipakita ko na ako ay may kakayahang gumawa ng mga bagay na dating ko namang ginagawa sa Pilipinas. Dahil kaya ang tingin ko sa sarili ko ay isang second class citizen kumpara sa mga dayuhang may mapuputing balat? siguro nga, naiintimidate ako sa kanila kung kaya imbes na ipakita ko ang mga bagay na kaya kong gawin ay minamabuti ko na lang na itago ito. Ok na lang sana kaso minsan naiisip ko lang, sayang ang pagkakataon, nais kong malaman ng iba na ako may alam din. Di ko rin masagot sa sarili ko kung bakit mas pinili ko ang manahimik na lamang..at sa bandang huli ay magsisi.

Kasalanan ko rin. sana nga lang di pa huli ang lahat..sana may mga ibang pagkakataon pa...susubukan ko na..siguro sa ngayon wala na akong hiya...mahabang panahon na pagtatago ko. sana nga may lakas na ako ng loob...

Posted at 12:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

...speed cubing crazed boys

Since May of 2008, Thongchai (Mr. Maths) and I ( Ms. Maths) compiled records of students' time while they learn to complete the 80's inspired Rubik's cube puzzle. Some of our students learned fast, others took the time to learn and memorize every step, few created their own solutions.

We saw how each kid took the pain of memorizing the steps and then finally mastering all solutions to any problem. Most of them took all challenges positively, no one gave up and best of all we saw competitive but supportive kind of relationship among them.

Towards the end of the year, we announced the first ever speed cubing competition in the school. We knew then that the administration doesn't support such silly competition, but for us, we believe in recognizing the kid's potentials and skills. We are after all developing visual-spatial skills, and few people are gifted with such skill. We went on anyway, prizes and awards came from our own pocket and donation from friends who believed that such competition helps boost students' self confidence.

At first, my partner was a bit hesitant to run the competition, he was somewhat afraid that no kids will turn up during the competition, he was surprised to see that half from the Maths club joined the competition and few more from other clubs....the students squeezed their busy schedule of doing project presentation or playing music or doing stage play just to show up on their assigned time. The competitors didn't leave the competition room..they stayed and watched and cheered their co competitors. We all lost track of time. We were all excited to know who'll take the first spot.

Busy as a bee during the competition, we ignored the heat and hunger, we stayed with the students who were retelling their experience as the official timer goes from 0:00:00 to the next seconds. We watched the video from the camcorder's LCD, and made bets on who'll go on to the next round.

Then came the final round and awarding ceremony. We were both happy and embarrased because we only raised a few hundreds to divide among all 7 winners when our ads say exciting prizes to be given away.

One thing we are happy about was that the kid's are looking forward to the speed cubing part 2. They even suggested additional categories. Hopefully, after viewing the video from the competition, the administration will finally recognize that there are some kids who may be slow academically but are gifted in speed cubing. I honestly can't see the practical side of scrambling the cube and putting it back again. I just know I can solve it in 2 minutes...not as fast as our record holder (15.13 seconds) but for others who see the cube as mind boggling, stupid game, and generally complicated...i emerge as the nerd/ math geek, which is a complement!

Posted at 03:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

...trip to the reptile land

Samutprakan Crocodile Farm...the biggest and largest ( according to the brochure) crocodile farm in Thailand. Aside from display of different kinds of alligators and crocodiles...(some mutants or say genetically modified) they also offer various entertainments like wrestling with the crocodile, elephant show and photo shoot with baby tigers.

The wrestling show...really nail-biting moment....

Prayyyyyyyy

just can't seem to breathe normally as i watch him pet the reptile and actually put his head in....well for a few seconds...but what if..

maybe still sharp but the jaws.....whewwww

....a headless man.

Me???not even for a million bucks........

The Elephant show....trained and cute

i've taken just a little risk, for the fun of it...i passed under that humongous elephant...really nervous, i'll possiby have tachycardia...then after, i looked at it...still balancing its huge size feet on that almost rotting wooden chairs, i thought...what if it just fell while i was passing through it....whew ...splat on the ground, that's what i will be...but thanks goodness i am still good...will i do it again?? oh yes, under the care of professional trainors....

and some other things while at the farm

like riding in that flowery cart pulled by really skinny young horse.....looking at some facts and figures and touring around the farm via the chug chug train...

and for the life of me....i wont ever ever forget to take a lot of photos of me...candid or not...just me.

Posted at 01:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

...present shock survivor

3 months ago, my pc started to go crazy...then puff, no sync, all usb port's not working, first, the mouse, then goes the keyboard....then black screen.

The sad part, i've not managed to keep a little emergency fund for the pc....The pc, old and gathering dust in one corner of our room. I, on the otherhand, went back to my old hobby, cross stitching...and i also started to have the well - advertised 8 hours sleep beauty regimen.

3 months without a working pc in our room...i have managed and i've survived...i missed it though that's why i frequented the internet shop. But there are certain things that i can't do in the shop that i can freely do in the comfort of my room......oh well...shit happens.

Now, chipset's changed, upgraded too...am going back to sitting in front of the screen again....as for my cross stitching hobby...i've set time to make sure i'd finish a project.....

sigh..........

Posted at 11:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

...weekend at the century old market

Suphan Buri, Thailand...

Home of the century old market ( hmmmm...i smell Chinese merchants)

varied goods and activities

inside the Buffalo Village with the smiling buffaloes

Posted at 08:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

... 31

Celebrate life at 31.....about to be expired in the face of the calendar. There's still the thermometer. In other words, there is still hope...31, still young, crazy and single.